Theatrical Happenings

It is with much regret that I have to inform you today that, owing to circumstances beyond
my control, the long-awaited new all British musical "Michael Foot - The Dancing Years"
has been shelved indefinitely. A series of bizarre incidents have brought about this latest blow
to the British theatre scene. Among the most outstanding was that suffered by Pretty Gumboyle,
the young Welsh sensation who, whilst repairing the chimney stack at her brother-in law's
house in the Barbican, fell, breaking her leg. To make things even worse, it was her leading one!
Meanwhile, on the same day in another part of town Leon Blare, the male lead, was, on m'a dit,
seen limping away, apparently in great distress, from the council house he'd just bought for
his girlfriend. It later transpired that Leon, in his haste to vacate the premises before the child
minder arrived, caught his foot in his flares tearing two toe nails right off.. His wife Daisy was
quite philosophical after being told of this. "It could have been worse", she declared, "luckily,
Leon was insured with the Dancers' Union Compensation Fund who cover such eventualities".
But it's not all gloom and doom as far as I'm concerned personally. The good news is that
Ian Armando will not after all be directing what should have been the stage event of the millennium.
-Michael Foot, Romford.