The Chelsea Connection

Unconfirmed reports reached me earlier today saying that Ian Armando's sister
is to marry the mother of Randy Rice-Phillips the Chelsea star. This, I suspect,
is another attempt by Ian that by spreading false rumours, he can gain some kind of
reputation in order to boost hiis sagging following in the Sunday paper diarist
competition. Later, facing a crowd of reporters outside his ten bedroomed house
in the suburbs, the footballer, with a look of vicious anger hard to describe, flatly
denied that he was Randy. 'Anyway', he added, 'my name's Sandy'. And with
a toss of his long curly hair, he was gone.
-Michael Foot, Romford.

Note: To be repeated on the repeat of "Match of the Day" on the BBC Repeat Channel.